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Are you tired of chasing love that never feels mutual?
This guide will help you understand why you chase relationships, how to stop, and how to attract authentic connection through self-worth, emotional balance, and spiritual growth.
Written by Mind Body Spirit Lab, a holistic coaching brand in Windsor, Colorado, this article integrates psychology, mindfulness, and fitness principles to help you stop running after love — and start becoming the kind of person who naturally attracts it.
The Exhausting Cycle of Chasing Love
You text first, overthink every reply, and worry constantly about losing someone’s interest.
You tell yourself it’s love — but deep down, you feel drained.
Chasing relationships is one of the most emotionally exhausting habits there is. It stems from a desire to be seen, valued, and chosen. But the harder you chase, the further true connection seems to slip away.
At Mind Body Spirit Lab, Coach Justin helps clients rebuild their sense of worth and emotional stability so they stop chasing unavailable people — and start attracting aligned, authentic love.
Why We Chase Relationships
Before you can stop chasing love, you have to understand what’s driving the behavior.
1. Fear of Abandonment
People who grew up feeling emotionally neglected or abandoned often seek external validation as adults. They chase relationships to feel secure.
2. Low Self-Esteem
When you don’t believe you’re inherently worthy of love, you try to earn it — by overgiving, pleasing, or compromising boundaries.
3. The Illusion of Control
Chasing gives you the illusion of control over someone’s affection. In reality, it signals emotional insecurity and scarcity thinking.
4. Unhealed Childhood Wounds
Many adults unconsciously replay childhood dynamics — chasing emotionally distant people to “finally be chosen.”
5. Dopamine Dependency
The chase creates biochemical highs and lows — similar to addiction — which makes the pattern feel irresistible.
“When you stop chasing, you start choosing. That’s where real love begins.” — Coach Justin
( System to Heal Childhood Trauma)
Signs You’re Chasing Instead of Connecting
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Watch for these subtle signs:
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You feel anxious if someone doesn’t text back immediately.
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You’re the one always initiating.
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You overlook red flags just to keep someone interested.
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You fantasize about the potential more than the reality.
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You feel “unworthy” when single.
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You adjust your personality to be more likable.
If these sound familiar, it’s not because you’re broken — it’s because you’re trying to fill an emotional void externally instead of internally.
The Psychology Behind Chasing
Research in attachment theory explains much of this behavior.
Anxious Attachment
People with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often seek closeness and reassurance but fear rejection. They’re drawn to emotionally unavailable partners because it mirrors early experiences of conditional love.
Trauma Bonds
In some cases, chasing becomes an addiction to emotional intensity. It’s not love — it’s the brain’s way of recreating familiar chaos.
External Source:
According to the APA Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, unresolved attachment trauma is one of the top predictors of relationship anxiety and unhealthy pursuit behaviors.
The Emotional Cost of Chasing Relationships
Chasing love keeps you trapped in cycles of:
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Anxiety and obsession – constantly thinking about the other person.
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Loss of self – forgetting your needs and boundaries.
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Low confidence – associating self-worth with being desired.
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Emotional burnout – because love should be mutual, not one-sided.
The result? Even when you “get” the relationship, it feels unstable — because it’s built on fear, not confidence.
How to Stop Chasing Relationships: 12 Steps to Reclaim Power
Let’s break down Coach Justin’s system for ending the chase and rebuilding emotional independence.
1. Become Aware of the Pattern
Awareness is the first step toward freedom.
Ask yourself:
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“Am I trying to be chosen, or do I already feel whole?”
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“Do I pursue people who are unavailable or inconsistent?”
Write these reflections in a journal. Recognition breaks emotional autopilot.
2. Understand Your Attachment Style
Take an online Attachment Style Quiz (like The Attachment Project) to identify whether you lean anxious, avoidant, or secure.
Knowing your attachment blueprint helps you rewire it consciously.
3. Practice Emotional Regulation
When you feel triggered by distance or rejection:
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Pause before reacting.
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Breathe deeply for 30 seconds.
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Ground yourself through body awareness (a technique taught in Mind Body Spirit Lab’s Fitness Coaching).
Your body needs to feel safe before your mind can think rationally.
External Source:
A 2022 Harvard Health review found that mindfulness-based emotion regulation reduces relationship anxiety by up to 42%.
4. Build Self-Validation Habits
Stop seeking validation from others — start generating it from within.
Daily affirmations:
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“I am complete without constant validation.”
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“My value doesn’t depend on who stays or leaves.”
Use journaling, gratitude, or mirror work to anchor these beliefs.
5. Set & Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries protect energy, time, and emotional space.
Examples:
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Limit how much you initiate communication.
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Don’t compromise your standards for attention.
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State your needs calmly and clearly.
Boundaries are self-respect in action.
6. Heal Through Movement
Unresolved emotions are stored in the body.
Mind Body Spirit Lab’s Fitness Coaching integrates exercise and somatic awareness to help release stored trauma and boost confidence.
Try:
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Daily walks or yoga
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Weight training for empowerment
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Breathwork for calming anxiety
Physical movement grounds emotional healing.
7. Reconnect with Your Purpose
When life revolves around relationships, it’s easy to forget your personal vision.
Refocus your energy on growth:
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Learn a new skill
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Volunteer
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Reignite hobbies
Purpose attracts people who align with your direction.
8. Practice Detachment, Not Indifference
Detachment means staying connected without obsession.
When you stop needing outcomes, you start allowing real connection to form naturally.
Mantra: “I’m open to love, but I don’t chase it.”
( How to Master Emotional Intelligence)
9. Explore Inner Child Work
Most chasing behavior stems from the child within who still craves validation.
Healing that part of you frees you from repeating emotional loops.
Try guided meditations or journaling prompts like:
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“What did I need as a child that I didn’t get?”
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“How can I give that to myself now?”
10. Embrace Singleness as Healing Space
Being single isn’t loneliness — it’s your training ground for self-acceptance.
Spend time learning who you are without needing someone to mirror it.
Mindset Coaching at Mind Body Spirit Lab helps clients thrive in this phase — turning solitude into strength.
11. Choose Relationships Consciously
When you’re whole, you attract from wholeness.
Instead of asking, “Will they choose me?” ask:
“Do they add peace, purpose, and joy to my life?”
When you raise your standards, chasing becomes irrelevant.
12. Commit to Continuous Growth
Growth is lifelong. Keep investing in your mind, body, and spirit.
That’s why Mind Body Spirit Lab’s 12-Week Full Transformation Program helps clients sustain change long after the chase ends — integrating mindset training, fitness accountability, and spiritual clarity.
Data & Scientific Backing
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APA Research (2023): People with secure attachment styles report 60% higher relationship satisfaction.
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Harvard Study (2022): Self-awareness and mindfulness reduce anxious relationship behaviors by 47%.
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NIH Findings: Physical exercise reduces symptoms of emotional dependency and stress.
How Mind Body Spirit Lab Helps You Rebuild Healthy Relationships
At Mind Body Spirit Lab, Coach Justin provides a holistic approach to emotional wellness and self-mastery.
Programs include:
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🧠 Mindset Coaching: Reframe scarcity thinking into secure confidence.
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💪 Fitness Coaching: Use body awareness to release stored emotional energy.
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🌿 Spiritual Coaching: Strengthen purpose, intuition, and emotional balance.
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🔁 12-Week Full Transformation Program: Integrate all three to rebuild your identity from the inside out.
📍 Based in Windsor, Colorado, serving clients virtually across the U.S.
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FAQ Section
Q1: Why do I keep chasing relationships?
It often stems from low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, or unresolved childhood trauma.
Q2: How can I stop feeling needy in relationships?
Focus on building self-worth, setting boundaries, and practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation.
Q3: Is it bad to chase someone you love?
Healthy pursuit is fine, but chasing out of fear or lack usually leads to imbalance and disappointment.
Q4: Can coaching help me stop chasing love?
Yes — coaching helps you identify root patterns, rebuild confidence, and cultivate self-trust so you attract healthy partners.
Q5: How long does it take to break the cycle?
Many clients notice a shift within weeks, but deep transformation takes consistent effort and guidance.
Stop Chasing, Start Choosing
Chasing relationships comes from fear. Real love grows from self-worth.
When you stop chasing what’s not meant for you, you create space for what is.
The journey to emotional freedom begins with self-awareness — and continues with guided growth.
At Mind Body Spirit Lab, Coach Justin’s programs integrate mindset, fitness, and spiritual transformation to help you heal, rebuild, and thrive in love and life.
👉 Start your transformation today.
Learn to attract, not chase. Choose connection, not desperation.
Mind Body Spirit Lab – Windsor, Colorado, USA
Call: +1 (970) 286-0047
Email: justin@mindbodyspiritlab.com
mindbodyspiritlab.com
